Christmas Hummingbird

We usually get eight to a dozen hummingbirds that arrive in May and cluster around our feeders on the deck drinking sugar water. These little guys burn lots of energy just hovering in position, so sugar water is ok even if it’s just empty calories. My wife thinks the big ones are mean; trying to monopolize the drinking stations on booth feeders and driving the little ones away.
I thought they had all left on schedule in September, and took down all the feeders save one. In October, I noticed that one bird was still visiting that feeder, so I kept it filled and clean (sort of). The internet experts claim that hummers migrate when the season is right and that a feeding station will not keep them in the Northern Shenandoah when it’s time to leave. This little guy stayed through October and November. I have changed the sugar water ratio from 1-4 to 1-1, and bring the feeder indoors at night to prevent it from freezing solid. Temperatures have dropped into the teens at night and the daytime temperature has remained in the thirties on several days. Two days ago it snowed. The bird visited the feeder today (temperature was 33.4 degrees F at 10:30 am). I have no idea where he spends his evenings, but it is clear he intends to stay in the area year round. My Christmas Hummingbird eminds me of the swallow in Oscar Wilde’s “The Happy Prince” - I will try to help him to a happier outcome. May seems a long way off.

Local Warming

The summer of 2004 was delightful. Not once did the temperature reach 95 degrees and 90 degree days were rare. The local man relished the bountiful yields of the garden, crediting his newly acquired gardening skills. He and local woman even donated 50 pounds of cantaloupes to the local Food Bank. This year reality came calling. The spring was cool and wet. Planting times were pushed back, but June arrived. It was warm and the veggies flourished. It got hot and dry, and hotter and drier. By July, temperatures hit 90 plus day after day. It was too hot for the tree swallows. They left and the garden lost its anti-insect air cover. It rained to the North, to the West, and the South. To the East - heavy thunder showers, even flash flood warnings. It rained everywhere but in Stephenson. Tugging weeds from the garden's shale soil created puffs of dust. Daily watering became necessary. The weeds loved their daily bath. They thrived, sprouting inches every night. The garden became a tangle of weeds with portentous seed tassels and some pretty blue, yellow or pink flowers. Potatoes growing beyond the pale were nibbled to naked stalks by rabbits and deer (someone had opined that potatoes do not have to be fenced because potato leaves are poisonous and are avoided by rabbits and deer). The groundhog living in the woods, not satisfied with the apple drops in the orchard, dug under the garden fence to sample the melon buffet. (Just a bite out of this one and a nibble on that one).
And then - The August Surprise. One Monday morning, Local Man noticed that more than half of the leaves on his hardy kiwi vines had shriveled to brown reticulated ghosts. On closer inspection, he saw hordes of Japanese Beetles. Knots of six or eight beetles crowded onto leafy nodes audibly eating and doing whatever these nasty things do when they believe no one is watching. So much for organic gardening, out came the malethion spray. The next day they had taken up residence on the Rose of Sharon bush which was also sprayed. Next on their top-ten dining list were the raspberries followed by the newly planted dwarf apples and asian pears and the corn. A few even sought out the feathery August tops of the asparagus. A trap was set out to attract beetles from the surrounding area. It requires daily emptying. Two weeks after the first spray, a second round of spraying was required. There is one bright spot, somewhere on the internet it has been written that the beetles need to burrow into the ground to reproduce and that a dry lawn will decrease reproduction success. Local Man's crunchy lawn has to be the most inhospitable place for beetle grubs. The 2006 season will be better. Hope springs eternal! This summer, Local Man has gained even more respect for farmers of the Valley who deal with too wet and too dry, too hot and too cold, with weeds, insects and plant diseases as if their lives (and ours)depend upon it.

Local Man Applauds Congressional Action

The New York Times reports today that the Congress is about to enact remedial class-action legislation which President Bush will sign.
Class Action lawyers were caught with their briefs down. According to the Times, one lawyer at a prominent class-action firm said that many lawyers had expected the legislation to take longer to adopt as Senate and House members wrangled over terms. Ha Ha Ha
The NYT also reported, "The legislation also makes it more difficult for class-action lawsuits to be settled by payments of coupons for goods and
services instead of cash by the defendants, a practice that has been heavily criticized by Democrats and Republicans." Right On!
Brother of Local Man was a successful class action plaintiff against a clothing retailer. He was awarded a coupon so that he could buy more stuff from the retailer at a reduced price. This was a win-win situation for the retailer who got a second whack at its dissatisfied customers and Brother's attorneys who got paid with M-O-N-E-Y.
There should be a rule that if the class action plaintiffs get cents-off coupons their attorneys should get 1/3 of the coupons as their fee.

Local Man Suggests Punitive Damages Fix

Local Man has come up with a fix for the punitive damages awards that are causing fear and dismay in certain political circles.

Successful Plaintiff is awarded full compensation for the damages suffered because of the "bad things" done. That is good says Local Man.

Punitive damages punish Malefactors (America's huge corporate citizens or others who have lots of money) who do "very bad things". It is a fine that will make them think twice about doing more very bad things. Local Man says: "Stick it to them!"

Successful Plaintiff gets the big fat punitive damage award (at least the part remaining after Clever Lawyer gets his cut). "Hey! Wait a minute" says Local Man. "When the courts fine people for doing very bad things, that money belongs to all of us. Successful Plaintiff already got full compensation. S/he should have no better claim to the punitive damages jackpot than I do. Treat punitive damages like the fine it is. Give it to the government so it can be used to prevent others from doing bad things in the future, or avert the Social Security crisis or at least reduce our taxes."
"And by the way, since Clever Lawyer has already gotten paid for his work proving Malefactor did all those bad things, lets limit Clever lawyer's cut of punitive damages to say $100,000."

Local Man Discovers Well Being

Living in the Valley means no water bills and no sewer levies. An additional benefit is that when the wind is just right on a summer day, the septic system provides a distinctive country air usually associated with a cow pasture. There is however a drawback or two. A power failure means that in addition to having no lighting, cooling or heating. there is no water because the motor 200 feet below ground needs electricity to run the pump to lift the water from way down there to the faucets and toilets. So Local Man and Local Woman have learned to pay close attention to weather forecasts. If there is a possibility of wind, snow or sleet it is prudent to keep a least one bathtub full of emergency water. Cooking on a coleman stove and eating off paper plates can be fun, but no washing or flushing is not fun, especially for Local Woman.

Local Man Learns Gravel Road Lesson

The first snow of the season has gone. And as the melting snow disappears, so has the gravel on the "Charming Lane". Wheels churning in the right track have thrown the gravel to the right, while wheels on the left have churned the middle-of-the road gravel to the left. The right wheels now can gain traction only by moving further to the right, throwing gravel to the far right. The left wheels must move further left, leaving the middle-of-the-road bare and muddy. Eventually the gravel will entirely off the road lying ineffectually in the weeds and the road will become impassible in bad weather.
After enduring a slick bumpy road, the neighbors will realize it's time to lay down a new load of gravel. That usually happens in the Spring after a stretch of bad weather. Politicians could learn a lot from a gravel road.